Recently, I talked with a friend who was a bit depressed. This particular friend currently has no job but spends the day running errands, cleaning the house and cooking meals. Comments by others on how worthless and useless my friend was really hurt him.

As I started thinking about my friend’s problem, I realized I’m in the exact same boat. I’m a stay-at-home mom. I spend my days cleaning the house, running errands, cooking the meals and homeschooling my children. I bring absolutely no income into the household. Looking at it in this light, I’m a drain on the household. Definitely a depressing thought and goddess knows I was ready to get drunk. And I rarely drink, so that says something about my state of mind.

So what makes a person worthy? Do they have to earn an income to contribute to the family well-being? Is it possible to contribute to the family in other ways? *shrug* Definitely something to ponder as I go about my day, but not right now, because the washing machine just went off and I need to hang out laundry.

Always,

Sharyn

It’s nearly the new year…

Well, for us Pagans, anyway. Samhain is fast approaching and I’m looking forward to it. Partly because this past year has been particularly rough, extremely difficult, and one of great personal sorrow. I’ve learned a great deal about myself and wasn't really happy with everything I learned. But that’s the thing about an old year ending and a new one beginning. I can take what I have learned and experienced over these past twelve months and apply it to my life. Give myself new opportunities to grow, experience and even change what needs to be changed.

One thing I know I’ll be doing is following the advice of a friend: “Question everything - and search beyond the words to what is reality”. I have taken this advice to heart and have been begun questioning everything. From my own motives to the motives of those who care about me, from things I have been told by those I trust implicitly (and sometimes blindly). I’m moving forward with my life. Growing to new levels, deciding what friendships are worth pursuing and which need to be ended. It will be difficult and I know people are going to be hurt, but there comes a time when one has to do what is best for them. What will ensure not necessarily their happiness, but their well-being, their sense of balance.

I’m looking forward to this particular Samhain, more than others in the past for the simple reason that I hope to be visited by the two people who inspired, encouraged, held and loved me. Two women who taught me compassion, forgiveness, mercy, fortitude and courage, and attempted to instill in me a sense of patience. *shakes head and grins* Not one of my stronger suits. They both passed over this year and I have felt their loss keenly. Their passing threw my world off-kilter and I am only now regaining balance.

I have been aided in my quest for balance by an old friend. One whom I care about deeply and through circumstances lost communication. We’ve recently gotten back together and I’m the better for it; hopefully, he is too. He is light to my darkness, is understanding and patient as hell, *chuckles* (good thing too, cause I am not!) brings logic and rationality, forcing me to look at the big picture. He makes me laugh, brings me out of my dark moments with a well-placed smart-ass comment. (Anamcara, if you’re reading this…thank you!) He asks nothing in return, just to be allowed to help. I only hope I am as good a friend to him as he is to me.

Autumn is the perfect time for inner reflection, for sitting back and examining your life and deciding what courses to take. The reflections may not always be particularly nice and the decisions may not be particularly easy or enjoyable. But life is about learning how to balance; how to accept the bad things that come your way, how to appreciate the good things, how to live in the moment while planning for the future and learning from the past. Yeah…throw in a bit of improvisation…and you’ll…I’ll be okay.

Blessed Samhain!

RPG Class Test results

This is all Nik's fault...she had to send that reincarnation placement quiz to me. Now I'm hooked on taking quizzes, probably for the rest of the night.

~~*~*~*~~

Your result for The RPG Class Test...

Bard

78% Combativeness, 73% Sneakiness, 56% Intellect, 47% Spirituality

Dashing and multi-talented: You are a Bard!


A decent warriors, reasonable spell-caster, and fairly good at tricking people, the Bard is the jack of all trades. These charming fellows live by their wits, though a sharp blade, a few spells, and some lockpicks never hurt.


Smart, sneaky, and aggressive, you're probably good at most things you try. You don't have much need for spirituality or superstition and are much more likely to live in the here and now... and if you can get some fun and profit out of the here and now, even better.

Take The RPG Class Test at HelloQuizzy

A year of loss and sadness...

For me this has been a year for loss. And I do realize it's only August. While there have been fantastic moments of great joy, there have profound moments of sadness.

Earlier this year, I lost my beloved Nanaw. She wasn't related to me by blood or anything. Just an elderly woman who loved everyone and insisted you call her Nanaw. Nanaw had this joyous spirit about her, even when she was in great pain. Cancer claimed her life and the world seemed a bit less brighter to me.

This past Sunday, I lost someone else. Momma Pat. Again, not a blood relative, but someone who helped raise me. Momma Pat and her four sons lived in the same with my family for quite some time. She was a second mother and her sons, my brothers. I still think and refer to them as my brothers to this day and that's how they see me. Momma Pat also died of cancer. Like Nanaw, she had a joyous spirit, was spontaneous and faithful. I miss her greatly.

I know both are in better place and in no more pain, but I miss them. It's hard to move on when you lose anyone, even more so when the person(s) in question meant something to you.

I am blessed beyond all reason, in that I have plenty of people to support and be with me, during the grieving process. I've got my family. And....I've got my fantastic friends and fellow authors from the League of Amazing Writers to stand by me. As I said, I am blessed.

While I can't predict the future, I do know that I'll not be alone no matter what comes my way.

The Joys of Family

I'm being completely serious and not at all sarcastic. Yes, family can be quite irritating at times, but they can also be a source of great joy.

I happen to like my family. My parents and I have a good relationship. My sisters and I get along rather well now that we're not all living together. But in this instance, I'm talking about extended family.

I'm lucky in that growing up, the majority of my extended family lived nearby and we spent plenty of time together. I grew up with my cousins, all seven million of them. Okay, so not that many, but there were a good deal of them. While the majority of us still live close by, we don't see each other as often as I would like. Something I'm working at changing. I want my children to experience another side of family life like I did.

This post comes from the fact that my cousins from Texas came for a visit over the Independence Day holiday weekend. It was a fantastic time. We got to visit, show off the kids. My cousin (who I'll shall probably refer to as my niece, given that we're teaching her to call me Aunt Sharyn) Bella is adorable. This was the first time I'd seen her, apart from photos. She's beautiful and I look forward to spoiling her when I visit Texas next Spring. As for my cousin (my best friend when we were growing up) Maria, she positively glows. Granted that may have something to do with being pregnant with her first baby. She's beautiful and I love her so much.

For me, having a large family was an immense blessing. I can't imagine my life without them. They taught me so much about how to be yourself and how to value your contribution to the group. I'm grateful to have spent this past weekend with my cousins, but I'm sad they've returned home. Four days just isn't enough time.

My extended family remains a constant joy in my life and I pray they always will.

Knowledge, Fear and the Unknown

Okay, I'll admit I love to learn new things. I'm one of those people who has a thirst for knowledge, but there are some things I could live without knowing. For one, dry drowning. My mother is the one who told me this one after hearing reports on the news. Now I'm all paranoid after my children get through swimming. Constantly checking on them when they fall asleep, just to make sure they are okay. This is one of those instances when I would rather have been unknowing; having the knowledge created a fear.

So which is better...to be knowledgeable and have fear or to be unknowledgeable? I guess it depends on the information and circumstances.

Merlin

I just finished reading T.A. Barron’s The Lost Years of Merlin for the first time. I’ve heard about this particular book many times over the years and had many people recommend it to me, but never picked it up until this morning. It is an utterly magnificent book and I regret it took me so long to read it.

All my life I have been drawn to tales of King Arthur, his knights, Camelot and Merlin. Especially Merlin. Barron’s tale brought Emrys to life and as I read I could see the man he would become. The actions a young boy on a quest to find his past took shaping his future.

A longing in my heart I can’t explain arose while I read of Fincarya. Ancient memories? The wistful dreams of a would-be bard and adventurer? Or just the longing of a child to visit a place found only in dreams and tales? I honestly don’t know. I do know a part of me mourned as I read the last page of The Lost Years of Merlin.

What is it about Merlin that calls to people of all ages? Is he a mere myth, a real person? No one really knows, but it doesn’t stop writers from penning tales of him, or children of dreaming of following in his footsteps. For me, he is real. As real as anything in this world.